Category Archives: people you wish you were

Hey Ian, Have you seen Missy Halperin?


See this guy to your left. Yeah, that dude. Sexy Steven Sanders is just sitting right over there, rocking his permed semi-mullet and he’s smiling at you. He’s so dreamy. Remember that time that he got his car stolen in the parking lot by that girl that he let drive it? Or that time he made the half court shot at the Laker game and then used it to get his way into any college he wanted to? Yeah, that Steve Saunders was such a sly fox.


Now, look at the guy on your right. That’s Ian Ziering. Less permed mullet, mega watt smile, kinda looks pretty totes genius for an old dude. I mean, he was on Dancing with the Stars. That shit will get you in shape. He’s the man behind responsible for the genius that was Steve Sanders. Don’t you wish they would do like a 90210 reunion show or movie? Yeah, me too.

So this is a story about Ian, but I just had to throw the Steve Sanders bit in there for nostalgia. Last night I went to my first ever hockey game at the Staples Center. Katherine scored us tickets in the FOX broadcasting catered suite and we totally rocked it out the whole night. Gabs and Carri went home drunk. Clearly the evening was a success. We got there, ate some food, watched a game we didn’t understand, proceeded to talk through he first period and then came intermission. 17 minutes of doing nothing. Or so we thought.

About halfway through intermission, the door open behind us and in walked a frantic Ian Ziering who had conned some security dude to let him in our suite. After looking around quickly, he came over to Carri and Katherine and took hold of them, physically shaking him said “Have you seen Missy? Have you seen her?” Um, yeah, Ian. Who the fuck is Missy cause we sure as hell don’t know? After asking for a couple more seconds if we knew where she was or if she would be coming, he left as frantically as he came in. It was a whirlwind In Ziering sighting and it quite possibly made my night.

We couldn’t stop talking about it for the rest of the game and even took to goolging the name he said, Missy Halperin, to discover she’s the SVP, Talent Relations for FOX Broadcasting. We hoped he would come back some time during the other intermission, but alas, he was gone, away into the night, after probably finding Missy in that stolen car from 90210 or something.

So Ian, thanks for making my fist hockey game a great one. Yeah, the Kings didn’t win. Yeah, Jon Paul didn’t get us into the locker room for Katherine’s fake birthday. But Ian, you were a pretty damn good fake birthday present if I do say so myself.

PS: Sexy shorts!

Preparing for battle – New Moon style


Hi, my name is Alexis and I am a Twilight fan. If only there was a support group to say hi back. They really do need to start meetings for people like me.

So, since it’s been revealed that I’m a (hardcore) Twilight fan, I must dedicate this post to the fact that I, along with two of my best friends Jen and Gabby, are preparing for battle. In a week and two days, we will be seeing New Moon for the first time. Breaking in to Summit down the street would have just taken too much planning and therefore, we are doing the next best thing. We are going to an advance screening at the Arclight next Thursday night.

I say battle because that’s honestly what it is. When you’re 26 years old and a fan of Twilight, you find yourself ridiculously outnumbered by 16 year olds that can barely drive their mom’s minivan to Hot Topic to buy a ‘Team Edward’ shirt. So in preparation to deal with the onslaught of screaming fans at the movies and the fact that I will probably knock someone down in line for the bathroom because that trash talked RPatz, here are the exercises we are putting ourselves through to be in top Twilight fan form coming next Thursday night.

1. Re-read Twilight AND New Moon
So Gabby has Jen and I beat on this one, as she has re-read both books and is almost done re-reading Eclipse. I have made it through Twilight and if I hunker down this weekend, I may be able to get through New Moon by next Thursday. Sorry, I actually do have a life outside of Twilight. Jen hasn’t re-read either. Fail, Jen.
Re-read Battle Grades – Gabby: A; Alexis: B-; Jen: F

2. Re-watch Twilight

Art just bought a new Plasma and blu-ray player so there will definitely be a viewing this weekend of Twilight where we will make sarcastic commentary and make fun of KStew when the HD reveals her pores.
Re-Watch Grades- All: A (cause we’re totally doing this)

3. Buy New Moon paraphernalia
Sure, we didn’t venture down to Hollywood and Highland on Friday night for the cast tour, but that doesn’t mean we are ashamed to own anything. Gabby is showing her Tay Tay love by getting a I HEART WEREWOLVES shirt. Jen and I at one point did purchase a Pocket Edward for our cubicle, but he was stolen by an intern who probably took him because I was the mean assistant who always told them to keep the chatter down. We still hold out hope he will resurface one day.
New Moon paraphernalia – Gabby: B+; Alexis & Jen: B


4. Watching endless press junket interviews and reading new articles

Gabby once again takes the cake on this, as I came home last week to discover that she has Tivo’d Access Hollywood to watch the interviews and cringe with second hand embarrassment while the host asked horrible questions. I watched some over the weekend and also salivated over the new Rob photos from Vanity Fair and Harper’s Bazaar. I like to pretend that KStew wasn’t in the Harper’s Bazaar photo shoot. Jen was also good as well, watching some of the interviews too and bugging me over and over again to send her the Harper’s Bazaar article to she could read it. Snoozefest.
Press Junket Interviews & Magazine Grade – Gabby: A-; Alexis: B; Jen: B-

5. Freaking out in the car every time we see a New Moon billboard or see a New Moon commercial
Jen definitely failed in this category. She doesn’t get excited by seeing a billboard trailer, nor does she watch the commercials when they are on TV. She says she watched them the first time she saw one, but not anymore. I personally get excited when I see a billboard, even if it’s just a little. Same with the TV ads. I may be fast forwarding through the commercials during Glee and I will stop, rewind and watch if a New Moon commercial goes by. I also thoroughly appreciate the WhatEdwardDrives Volvo commercials, if only for the fact that they are hand down hilarious. I can only imagine there are a million 16 year old girls now asking for a Volvo as their first car simply because it’s what Edward Cullen drives. Gabby also has a fan girl moment when we see a billboard or commercial as well.
Billboard & Commercial freakout Grade – Gabby: B; Alexis: B+; Jen: D

Overall Battle Grades

Gabby – A: Gabby will definitely survive the onslaught of 16 years olds and will beat them in a foot race if Taylor Lautner is spotter outside the Cineramadome come November 20th. She’s feisty and fearless and the most prepared out of all of us.

Alexis – B+: My dedication to any and all things Twilight makes me confident that I could out elbow any 16 year old if Rob is spotted, but if it’s KStew that’s on the street, she can fend for herself while I sit back and watch her stutter/blink rapidly/shake head like she’s having a seizure.

Jen – C: Jen’s cool and calm collected nature probably means that she’d get trampled by the hordes of teenage girls, but her nonchalantness makes her the most awesome and she would probably be standing far far away from the violence in the first place. She thinks that this will one day translate to her meeting Rob in person.

Or we all could just stand back and watch the mobs form and silently mock and sarcastically judge like we always do. We’d all definitely get an A at doing that.
Either way…game on!

photo source

If Marty McFly wore one, so must I.

Lunch tends to not be very exciting. Normally it involves my BFF Jen and I walking to The Water Garden, standing in line at Subway for 20 minutes, getting jipped on pepperoncini, and then going back to the office to eat. Yesterday, we decided to be adventurous. We decided to really go ballz out with lunch. We crossed Colorado Ave. and went to the food court at the Yahoo Center! I know! How we thought of such a crazy and out there idea, you ask? Well, we have no idea. It just jumped out at us. We thought we’d just take a big risk and go a little nutty with lunch yesterday. After being those people who get in line, have no idea what they are going to order, and thus have to get out of line, we finally ordered some quite delicious food. New lunch place found! Only problem is we had to wait a little bit for it to be ready.

While we sat on the bench discuss our not so exciting Thursday night plans, I noticed the guy sitting next to Jen was wearing a Casio calculator watch. Normally, this really wouldn’t be a big deal. Sure, you don’t come across a lot of people that wear calculator watches these days, but it just so happens that I wear one too! As I freaked out to Jen over my new found calculator watch soulmate, his friend noticed my spaz ways and pointed it out to him. His response? “STFU!!!!!” Not only did this dude wear a calculator watch, but his first words to me were “STFU.” Calculator watch AND ridiculous acronym soulmate!

Marty McFly is my homeboy
(source)

While we continued to wait for our food, we discussed with Ben the amazingness that is a calculator watch. He had bought three off eBay in college and had a stockpile; I received mine as a wrap gift for one of the movies we recently made. He can do his taxes on his; I can spell HELLO on it if I turn it upside down. I like it cause it’s digital and I’m too lazy to take the extra 2.5 second to stare at the roman numerals on my Gucci watch. We also both agree that it is hands down the best watch ever, and everyone in the world should have one. Marty McFly did, why can’t you?

Once his food was ready, Ben, his calculator watch, and his friend peace’d out. Jen and I secretly hoped they’d ask us to eat lunch with them or at least ask for our number as they were probably the most hilariously random people we had ever met and every calculator watch needs a calculator watch friend for play dates. Sadly, they did not, though something tells me we’ll run into them again at some point. Now that we have discovered the promise land of more lunch options and infinitely cooler people, we’ll definitely be back again.