Category Archives: STFU

Hey Ian, Have you seen Missy Halperin?

See this guy to your left. Yeah, that dude. Sexy Steven Sanders is just sitting right over there, rocking his permed semi-mullet and he’s smiling at you. He’s so dreamy. Remember that time that he got his car stolen in the parking lot by that girl that he let drive it? Or that time he made the half court shot at the Laker game and then used it to get his way into any college he wanted to? Yeah, that Steve Saunders was such a sly fox.

Now, look at the guy on your right. That’s Ian Ziering. Less permed mullet, mega watt smile, kinda looks pretty totes genius for an old dude. I mean, he was on Dancing with the Stars. That shit will get you in shape. He’s the man behind responsible for the genius that was Steve Sanders. Don’t you wish they would do like a 90210 reunion show or movie? Yeah, me too.

So this is a story about Ian, but I just had to throw the Steve Sanders bit in there for nostalgia. Last night I went to my first ever hockey game at the Staples Center. Katherine scored us tickets in the FOX broadcasting catered suite and we totally rocked it out the whole night. Gabs and Carri went home drunk. Clearly the evening was a success. We got there, ate some food, watched a game we didn’t understand, proceeded to talk through he first period and then came intermission. 17 minutes of doing nothing. Or so we thought.

About halfway through intermission, the door open behind us and in walked a frantic Ian Ziering who had conned some security dude to let him in our suite. After looking around quickly, he came over to Carri and Katherine and took hold of them, physically shaking him said “Have you seen Missy? Have you seen her?” Um, yeah, Ian. Who the fuck is Missy cause we sure as hell don’t know? After asking for a couple more seconds if we knew where she was or if she would be coming, he left as frantically as he came in. It was a whirlwind In Ziering sighting and it quite possibly made my night.

We couldn’t stop talking about it for the rest of the game and even took to goolging the name he said, Missy Halperin, to discover she’s the SVP, Talent Relations for FOX Broadcasting. We hoped he would come back some time during the other intermission, but alas, he was gone, away into the night, after probably finding Missy in that stolen car from 90210 or something.

So Ian, thanks for making my fist hockey game a great one. Yeah, the Kings didn’t win. Yeah, Jon Paul didn’t get us into the locker room for Katherine’s fake birthday. But Ian, you were a pretty damn good fake birthday present if I do say so myself.

PS: Sexy shorts!


If Marty McFly wore one, so must I.

Lunch tends to not be very exciting. Normally it involves my BFF Jen and I walking to The Water Garden, standing in line at Subway for 20 minutes, getting jipped on pepperoncini, and then going back to the office to eat. Yesterday, we decided to be adventurous. We decided to really go ballz out with lunch. We crossed Colorado Ave. and went to the food court at the Yahoo Center! I know! How we thought of such a crazy and out there idea, you ask? Well, we have no idea. It just jumped out at us. We thought we’d just take a big risk and go a little nutty with lunch yesterday. After being those people who get in line, have no idea what they are going to order, and thus have to get out of line, we finally ordered some quite delicious food. New lunch place found! Only problem is we had to wait a little bit for it to be ready.

While we sat on the bench discuss our not so exciting Thursday night plans, I noticed the guy sitting next to Jen was wearing a Casio calculator watch. Normally, this really wouldn’t be a big deal. Sure, you don’t come across a lot of people that wear calculator watches these days, but it just so happens that I wear one too! As I freaked out to Jen over my new found calculator watch soulmate, his friend noticed my spaz ways and pointed it out to him. His response? “STFU!!!!!” Not only did this dude wear a calculator watch, but his first words to me were “STFU.” Calculator watch AND ridiculous acronym soulmate!

Marty McFly is my homeboy

While we continued to wait for our food, we discussed with Ben the amazingness that is a calculator watch. He had bought three off eBay in college and had a stockpile; I received mine as a wrap gift for one of the movies we recently made. He can do his taxes on his; I can spell HELLO on it if I turn it upside down. I like it cause it’s digital and I’m too lazy to take the extra 2.5 second to stare at the roman numerals on my Gucci watch. We also both agree that it is hands down the best watch ever, and everyone in the world should have one. Marty McFly did, why can’t you?

Once his food was ready, Ben, his calculator watch, and his friend peace’d out. Jen and I secretly hoped they’d ask us to eat lunch with them or at least ask for our number as they were probably the most hilariously random people we had ever met and every calculator watch needs a calculator watch friend for play dates. Sadly, they did not, though something tells me we’ll run into them again at some point. Now that we have discovered the promise land of more lunch options and infinitely cooler people, we’ll definitely be back again.